I still have no friends.
With social media and busy schedules, our lives can be full of people…but a barren wasteland when it comes to friendship. We have plenty of people who heart pictures of our kids and awards and comment on how old they are getting, but how many of them really know us?
What if your kids are out of preschool, and the mommy and me playdates can barely be seen in the rear-view mirror? Maybe you are working and your time is so strained that you can’t see straight. What’s a gal to do?
You are not alone. If we set some goals and have specific, repeatable things we make a priority, there is room for intentional friendship.
If you aren’t sure where to start, here are some ideas that might help!
- Text a group invite to a large number of people and see who responds and starts showing up. You will be more likely to create friendships with other people who are also looking for friendship…and they are out there. Just keep asking.
- Make it a priority to set up lunch once a week with someone you want to have lunch with, not that you “should” have lunch with.
- Join someone you would want to be friends with where they will already be. Go to their child’s sporting event, ride along as they do their drop-offs and pickups.
- Ask a friend to exercise together. If you have time to workout, you can incorporate friendship. This was my saving grace a few years ago. It was simple and repeatable, and my friend and I know each other well because we have hours of logged chat time.
- If you have a meeting you have to go to, go out for drinks or coffee after the meeting, or sit on the curb outside and chat. You are already there, your family is already arranged for…extend the time and build some friendships.
- Go on a walk during your children’s mutual practices, rather than sitting and waiting in the car.
- Set up a monthly happy hour at a time that people can make it. My happiest hour to slip out seems to be about 8 pm once everything is wound down. Then I have helped put the kids to bed, and we are all “happy.”
- Invite a family over in a way that is repeatable. I don’t have the capacity for fancy, so a take-and-bake pizza and a bag of salad counts as dinner over here. Have a go-to menu that you use every time; it will take the pressure off of what to serve.
It’s okay to acknowledge that you need some actual friendship. We need people who will tell us the truth, we need people to know us well enough to understand, and we need enough history that they can begin to know the why’s. It takes time and friendship may feel risky, but relationships are forever. Less lonely is worth it.
The 4th of July is next week, there are firework shows, and it’s a great time for grilled hotdogs to count as dinner. Shoot some texts out today. Fire up some friendships.
