I’d like to think that I could know God as my provider without actually needing to be provided for. Like a flower that could gleam in the sunlight covered in dewdrops but not actually need the rain.
But, because the tears come, I know God’s provision.
It’s the gift in the hard road, where we learn to live dependent because we can’t survive without Him, and then when hardship lifts, deep grooves forged in our soul flow with God’s graces because He has formed His pathway in our hearts as we have relied upon Him.
This life of dependence is the one I would choose, but as new grooves of trust are forged and the tears pour from my eyes, I wish I could just know by knowing. I wish God could make His home in my heart without me having to trust Him.
But that’s not how this works.
Dependence is developed by being carried, provision is known by being provided for, and grace that flows like a river flows deeply and unhindered in groves forged in the valley.
The grooves in our soul grow deeper as our tears flow through them. God promises to collect them in bottles, none of them a waste. I will choose to trust Him with each one. Asking Him to turn the tears into oil that will light the lamp of my life, shining through the cracks in my jar of clay heart, for His glory and purposes until forever.
HLLF,
