I asked a friend of mine about the dress she was trying to pick out the week before. She had a family wedding to attend and the family situation was messy to say the least.
I asked about the weekend, knowing the dynamics were messy: not invited to the rehearsal, being seated away from the rest of the family…you know, those tricky things. Yet what she talked about was getting to spend a date night with her husband, how beautiful the wedding decorations were, and how hard the bride had worked. “There were sweet moments…when everyone got up to dance, there were open seats and they asked if we wanted to join the rest of the family.” She said, “You know, the bride was probably in a tricky spot, and I bet she made the best decisions she knew to make.” I nearly jumped out of my skin! “Yes! That’s it…generous assumptions.”
Honestly, it made me so excited because it’s a trait I don’t see very often, but it’s the reason this gal, in difficult circumstances, can still overflow with joy. It’s not dismissing that things are hard, but it’s extending the hand of “I bet they did the best they knew to do at the time.”
That perspective can change everything. Watch a person who in general gets along with others and it would be my guess that they make generous assumptions, likely not just once but over and over…which is why it is first on the list of my guiding principles. I will make generous assumptions of others.
Generous assumptions loosen the noose of expectations we subconsciously put around the necks of the people around us. When we give them more grace, it is not only nice for them, but it lightens the load we carry as well.
It’s not pretending to go through life like Pollyanna, but it’s making a habit of giving others the benefit of the doubt. It prevents us from jumping to false conclusions that steal our joy, and may in fact be a story we are creating in our heads that is far from what is actually happening.
Generous assumptions give us the margin to act in a way that is not reactive. We can deal with fires when they are happening, and we have the energy to put them out because we aren’t wasting time putting out fires that aren’t actually burning.
Generous assumptions will bless the people you are around and will likely lead them to give you more grace as well. It is easier to assume generous things about a person who assumes the best of you as well.
How would the tempo of your days be more positive if you made generous assumptions of others? I believe it would be a difference maker, and you would enjoy having a seat at the family table, rather than walking over in a tizzy assuming you were unwanted.
Happy people make generous assumptions, and don’t waste their happy on the slop that isn’t even happening.
Assume the best today. When someone cuts you off, or gives you a nasty look; when your husband gets to dinner late, or your friend doesn’t text you back…generous assumptions is being generous to your own heart. It’s a key to living the free life. Give it a try!
