If I want to have a relationship with my kids, I have to choose not to tune out when my immediate attention isn’t needed which can be difficult because as moms our care seems to be needed so often. As I sit working on my computer while my kids watch a Sunday night movie, I could be snuggling them on the couch. I can choose to pause and join them, even if simply for a moment. If I only engage once we get to bedtime and someone “needs me,” then I feel like a taskmaster, and I miss out on some of the sweet parts of being Mom that don’t so loudly fight for my attention.
The best pieces of time this weekend have been teaching Samantha how to do a handstand, helping Teddy pick up a little snake, cooking a secret brownie recipe with Henry, and playing catch with Graham. Choosing to engage, and in that choosing joy. It’s not perfectly planned or Pinterest-worthy; it’s often not convenient…but it’s right in front of me if I choose to grab it.
Building relationship takes minutes, not hours; choosing to engage is capturing glimpses.
Now sometimes it’s cold in the pool, and we don’t want to swim. I’m not suggesting we force ourselves to play all day long when we can sneak in a couple minutes of rest while the kids play with their friends. But let’s not stay there all of the time.
Relationship is right in front of us, but we have to participate to experience it. In the tired, in the busy, as you have a simple conversation with your neighbor, don’t miss the little kid who is waiting for you to chase bugs with them. Determine what you will prioritize, and give yourself permission to prioritize the eyes of the child looking your way.
The windows of time are frequent but brief. Take them in, or as many as you can. Experience the joy that is right in front of you. The difference might be three ten minute segments. Talk with your kids about what they think is funny, rub their back when you walk on the sidewalk, jump in on the summer wonder. It doesn’t need to be all day long, capture the precious moments where the kids you raise are kids you know, not just people you live with. Prioritize the goal of being able to look back at moments experienced together, rather than moments passing each other in the hallways.
It’s not the trip of a lifetime, it’s everyday encounters. Just like with our God, a fully formed relationship isn’t built in one giant sweeping moment, but rather in small experiences over time. Look for them, take them in. As you do, they will accumulate and the relationship will be more readily within reach.
One step at a time, this is the life I never knew I always wanted.
