I think most of us would agree that raising kids and building a family in our world today can be pretty challenging. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking through something with my kids, and I pray for wisdom to make the right decision.
There is a book in the Bible called Proverbs that is full of wisdom that God gave to a man named Solomon. I have been thinking a lot lately about one piece of wisdom from this book:
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1
The main reason this is stuck in my mind is that I have a home with littles and a husband, and I want to build it well. I want our home to be a place where my people feel safe and loved, and I realize that the burden, or gift, of creating a home for them lays on my shoulders. I get to build it. I can make it strong by being strong for my people. I can craft my home the way I want it to be, and just as easily, I alone can destroy it.
So what can I do to create an emotionally healthy space where my people thrive and where my kids want to come back to often when they get older? I have made a list that is making a difference for me mentally, and I would love to share it with you.
1. Let the little stuff slide. Some days my people are grumpy. Maybe my husband had a tough day, and he snaps back at something that normally wouldn’t bother him. Let it slide. Choose to think the best of your people and give them grace.
2. Let go of personal imperfections. Ugh. I have spent way too much time in my closet trying on clothes to make me feel better about myself. My daughter recently said, “Don’t you think you look beautiful when you look in the mirror?” Um, no. But my kids do. That’s better than the perfect outfit, or crying over extra pounds. Find reassurance in the fact you are beautiful in the eyes of the people that matter most.
3. Let my kids make mistakes. They will over and over. Instead of getting upset, use it as a time to teach. The more teaching moments, the better.
4. Stop yelling. Unless they are running into the street and a car is coming, try to cut out the yelling. The end.
5. Learn to take care of myself. This is a work in process, but I know when I am taking better care of myself, the rest of the family ends up being better-taken care of too.
6. Be content. It’s so easy for all of us to live aware of what others have that we don’t; this builds resentment and eliminates joy. We are making this a significant focus on our home to do everything we can to avoid raising kids with an entitlement mentality.
7. Verbalize, “I love you.” Make sure you are telling your people every day, “I love you.” If you find the days are going on without verbally telling your people that, put a reminder in your phone. Just do it. They can’t hear it enough.
8. Be the boss. Don’t let what other people are doing dictate or influence the decisions you make for your family. Lean into what you know God has called you to do. If everyone is participating in an event and it’s not right for your family, don’t do it. If everyone is playing a video game that you are not okay with, don’t let your kids play it. Be in control of what you can control. Set boundaries for your family.
9. Be adaptable. Things will change… over and over; knowing that change is inevitable will help you hold on to things just a little less tightly. Jesus is the one thing that doesn’t change. He can be the constant that solidifies your life. Hold on to Him with everything you’ve got; the rest of it hold loosely to allow yourself to truly live freely.
10. Fear God – I’m sorry what? I’m not talking about being afraid of God but instead having a sense of awe and worship and awareness that He is truly in charge of your life. God is for you. Surrender to Him by saying, “God, you have a path for me, and I surrender to your lead. I want to follow what you have for my life.” HLLF- Melissa
