Please tell me I am not the only one whose kids hate making cards. It’s a disaster. Before bed I put the kids in the office and issued the markers and instructions, “We need three Father’s Day cards.” Hank’s card opened to the left, but I didn’t say a word. The card says “Father” and “love” and because this is a card obligation holiday, we have checked the box.
The lucky father in our life also gets Samantha’s card, with its cutouts and pictures. Out of nowhere, havoc broke out when Samantha didn’t get the memo that we were signing each other’s cards. She must have been lost in the drawing of her perfect Christmas tree, which she insisted should be on every type of holiday card, and as Hank went to write his name on her perfect card, they each grabbed a side and it tore in half.
Samantha’s tired face turned quickly and out came the angry eyes. As she wrote her name on the cards, she was still upset and signed her name “Love Samantaa.” Oh, her brothers did not let her get away with that. They bellowed her name out, extending the a’s like a combination of an opera and superhero declaration.
Sometimes the kindest things aren’t what we say but what we choose not to. Samantha didn’t need to be taunted for her extra a’s. Her brothers easily could have shown her grace in the midst of her sad, torn card, just as in the tired Henry didn’t need to be told his card opened backward.
As I go to post this I completely bombed at holding my tongue tonight, as my son Graham got hit twice by wild pitches, I was completely ungracious in my “what in the world,” comment, towards the poor nine-year-old who was pitching. I am almost too embarrassed to even post this. If I want to be an accurate reflection of the goodness of our God, my tongue needs training, and the four sets of eyes that watch me all day will get a large part of that training from what they watch me choose to say and not say.
Another way we can help our kids with their tongues is when it comes to bragging, the delicate balance between confidence and pride. In Jaime Ivey’s interview with Tim Tebow’s mom, Pam Tebow, Pam referred to a verse she said to her kids:
“Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth—a stranger, not your own lips.” Proverbs 27:2
That is a sweet point of discipline we can practice with our kids today…one where we can encourage the kids in a great game, and then help them to practice restraint in what they choose to say.
So this weekend, we are going to focus on humility and grace within our little family, leaving the things that are better left unsaid on the field, and criticism that should go unsaid in our mouths. I am going to listen carefully to my own words and the words that flow from my kids’ mouths, and recognize them as an overflow of our hearts, and an indicator of other things I may need to be watchful of this summer, when we have a little more time to pour into those areas.
We get to choose what we give oxygen to, when we choose to use and not use our breath, and the kindest and most graceful thing we might say is nothing at all. It’s a discipline…one I can strengthen at times as well.
When Jesus was mocked and taken to the cross…He said nothing. In His wisdom, He left things unsaid. I wonder what others might hear as they watch our lives if we chose to do the same. It will take training, but it’s a discipline I’m willing to practice, and I determined to try again.
