We cheer at the excitement of new love at weddings and why?  Because it’s beautiful…two people starting their adventure together.  Then a few years in everyone starts saying “It’s so hard.” If “It’s so hard” was your life, we wouldn’t tell you to quit your life.  No, we would tell you to get back up and try again. Over and over, forever.

Let’s be for each other.  Let’s be for each other’s marriages.  Rather than encouraging our friends to take what they can get and squeeze every last bit of help from this husband of theirs, what if we said, “Throw your chips in, lady.  Support, encourage and love your man recklessly. Believe in his dreams until they become your own.” As you do, I bet he will join you in yours. Find the things you love about him and tell him every day.  I bet he will start to notice the things he loves about you. Look him in the eyes when he talks to you. I bet he will look into yours.

Remember when you were dating, and you hung on his every word?  Listen with that intensity. I bet you will start to feel heard.  Remember when you were dating and he was stopping over? Remember how you would rush upstairs and at a minimum brush your hair and teeth?  I’m not talking stilettos, but what if we tried to look like a person we would want to come home to? What if we prayed for our husbands as much now as we used to pray they would call?  What if we talked to them as nicely as we would want our future daughters-in-law to talk to our sons?

Sometimes we need to choose to be our best selves again.  When things get tricky, we have a great God who would love nothing more than for you to feel a great love for each other return.  Ask Him for that.

Here is a little mantra of what marriage is to me.  Write your own or use some parts of mine. Don’t take the chicken exit and say, “It’s going to be hard.”  If my husband’s eyes are the ones I am going to be looking in forever, I choose love that keeps getting better.

Let’s be our best selves together.  

You do your best, and I’ll do mine.  Let’s be our best together.

I enjoy you, you enjoy me.  We both know that, so let’s be secure in that.  

I trust you, you trust me.  Let’s be trustworthy, always.  

You seek God, I’ll do the same.  

Let’s be nice, because we are nice.  

Let’s talk about things with each other, and if something gets weird, let’s talk about that because we believe in each other and in this love…forever.

I love you and I won’t question if you love me.

God has given us each other forever.  Let’s max out this great love, because your eyes are mine and my eyes are yours, and our eyes are His…forever.

That’s marriage to me.  It can be cry-your-eyes-out beautiful to share your life with someone, forever.  So here’s to love that keeps getting better and better.

Kirstin Ricketts

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